Shakespeare: Phantomhive Style
by Kuroneko99
Summary: The Phatnomhive gang already tackled one Shakespeare play, now they must take on one of the most famous ones: Romeo and Juliet. Warning: randomness, crossdressing, and whatever the Phantomhive gang is capable of. This is a shortened version of the play.


**Well here i am again, with another story which could mean bad news for some. I decided to do Kuroshitsuji this time our of boredom and this is what i came up with. I know that they did Hamlet in the OVA so I decided to attempt Romeo and Juliet. This a shortened version. When i say shortened i really do mean shortened. I let out a LOT but i think the story plot is still there. Head's up: THERE WAS NO INTENDED FANSERVICE! If it looks like there is, i'm sorry, but i didn't mean for it to play out like that. Disclaimer: I'm not Shakespeare nor do i want to ever be like him. I also don't own Kuroshitsuji. So as always, please read, review, and enjoy**

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><p><strong>Shakespeare: Phantomhive Style<strong>

"Young master, it's lunchtime." The butler's voice came through the door. The young master lifted his head up from the newspaper he was reading. The afternoon sunshine streamed in through the window behind him, casting shadows in the dimly lit office room.

"You may come in, Sebastian." The young noblemen said, closing his eye. The door creaked open and the butler clad in black stepped in, pushing a silver cart in.

"Today's lunch consists of a light mint salad followed by a poached fish with a savory herb sauce. Dessert is Mille Feuille and the tea is Earl Grey." Sebastian picked up a gold embroidered teapot and poured the steaming water through a strainer full of tea leaves, releasing a stream of amber liquid that flowed into the delicate teacup in his white-gloved hand.

"Fine…" Ciel sighed, sliding the newspaper to the side as he cleared off the desk for lunch. Sebastian set the plates down effortlessly, making no noise as was his custom to.

"By the way, young master, a letter came today for you." Sebastian said, pulling out a crisp white envelope from the inside of his breast pocket.

"From whom?" he asked, his sapphire blue ring flashing in the sunlight as he lifted the rim of the cup to his lips.

"Do you remember the acting company that we had to help out last time, young master?"

Ciel closed his eye for a moment, thinking for a moment. "Yes. And what about them? That was in the past; why bring them up now?"

"It seems as though they are in need of your assistance again, young master. Due to some unfortunate circumstances, the group of actors who was to preform Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet have gotten lost on their way to London. They're supposed to be doing a performance for a group of widows and orphans in a week. Apparently, the group is lost at sea and won't make it in time for the opening production."

"Again they've gotten lost? What is with these people?"

"I have no clue, young master. Since they heard about how well you were in their last play, Hamlet, they've entrusted their play to you." Ciel choked on his tea and swiped the letter from Sebastian's hand.

"What? Let me see that!" He ripped it open and pulled out the handwritten letter. His eye scanned the paper, his forehead furrowing as the words sunk it. "They can't just nominate me to clean up their screw up!" Ciel cried, crumpling the letter in his hand.

"Surely you're not thinking of ignoring this, young master?" Sebastian busied himself with cleaning up the letter.

"Why should I help them out? I helped them out the last time and that was enough!"

Ciel replied hotly, taking a frustrated bite out of the salmon.

"It also says that this letter was signed by the Queen herself, young master." Ciel stiffened. "It seems like if you don't do this you'll be going against the Queen's orders. You as the Queen's watchdog can't do such a thing."

Ciel stared into the dark tea, watching it swirl around with a dark look on his face. He really didn't want to help out with another play since the last one turned out to be completely crazy. "I guess I have no choice in the matter…Fine, Sebastian, summon everyone you can find and tell them about this. We'll do this Romeo and Juliet thing and get it over with…" he said finally, letting out a heavy sigh.

"As you wish, my lord." Sebastian smiled faintly as he bowed, his dark red eyes flashing. "Since you're not familiar with Shakespeare's love tale, here is a book to fill in your knowledge of Romeo and Juliet." Walking over to the bookshelf, Sebastian pulled a warn book off the shelf and set it on the desk. "I suggest you read this before you decide what role you would like to play, young master."

"A love story? How boring…" the young boy glanced over at the cover with a couple kissing on the front. "This looks like a waste of my time."

"I assure you that this story has its share of sword fighting and death, young master. Of course it also has a number of other things in it as well so we'll have to make the story suitable for young children." The butler informed his master.

"So we'll be improvising again, I see."

"Of course, young master. I'll assemble everyone by tonight. We have to get started as soon as possible. We only have a week before the performance."

"Will you be directing it again, Sebastian?" Ciel asked his black-clad butler.

"But of course; I am one hell of a butler." He smiled, pulling out a pair of glasses and slid them onto his face.

"Alright, I'm pretty sure that you don't know why you all are here, so I will go ahead and explain it. You all have been selected to act in the upcoming play, Romeo and Juliet." Sebastian explained to the group of people wandering around the drawing room. He was dressed in a fancy suit, not his usual black coattail suit. His eyes stared out at the people from behind his glasses.

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><p>Ciel sat on the couch staring out the window while Elizabeth sat beside him, giggling happily as she swung her legs through the air happily. On the other end was Lau with the ever present Ran Mao on his lap, the smoke from Lau's pipe floating up in small clouds. Finny, Bard, and Mey Rin were scrambling around clumsily. Tanaka sat on a cushion, sipping his green tea and being generally out of the way. Joining the ragtag group was Prince Soma and his butler Agni. The room was full talking as they seemed to be ignoring Sebastian as he stood in front of them.<p>

"If you'd all calm down I'd like to get started." He started, but the continuous chatter blocked out his voice.

"I want a good part this time!" Soma told them as he chewed on a piece of curry bread.

"Of course, Soma-sama! You'll get a good part this time, I know it!" Agni assured him, clapping his bandaged hands together.

"This sounds interesting. Don't you agree, Ran Mao?" Lau asked the girl. She nodded at him with glassy eyes.

"Ciel~I just have to be Juliet and you have to be Romeo. We'll be the star-crossed lovers! Kya! I can't wait to wear a pretty frilly dress and wait from you to come to the balcony for me!" Lizzy squealed.

"Lizzy, you're yelling in my ear!" Ciel seethed, thoroughly annoyed.

"Do you know anything about Romeo and Juliet?" Finny asked.

"It's a beautiful tale of two lovers from different families who hate each other. Their love is forbidden, yet Romeo and Juliet risk everything for the sake of love!" Mey Rin told the blonde gardener, fixing her cracked glasses. "Because of their rival families, the two lovers are forced to take their lives. Only then did their families fighting end. It's tragic, but shows the power of love."

"It sounds depressing if ya ask me." Bard muttered, chewing on the end of his cigarette.

"I have a feeling that I'm going to be the narrator again, just like last time." Finny drew circles with his fingers on the floor.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" A blonde haired boy entered the room with another man in black at his side. There were three identical triplets beside him and a woman with long, light lavender hair.

"Alois? What are you doing here?" Ciel snapped. "Get out of here, no one wants you here! And take you're creepy butlers with you!"

"How rude, Ciel." Alois pouted and sat down beside him, crossing his legs elegantly like a girl. "You're so mean and frowny. You need to lighten up more. Don't you agree, Claude?"

"Yes, your highness." Claude replied, pushing his glasses up onto the bridge of his nose. The triplets, Thompson, Timber, and Canterbury talked quietly with each other while Hannah stood quietly by herself.

"Come on, Ciel, you must know why I'm here. Sebastian invited us because you're doing some sort of play thing, right?" Alois continued.

"I don't care, I think you should leave."

"Ah, I see you guys are doing an epic love story. I just love tragic love stories with forbidden love!" Ciel stiffened as he heard the familiar voice enter the room. "It's like it was meant for me and darling Sebby. It's like it's the tale of our love! It is passionate and forbidden!" With a flip of his long bright red hair, Grell Sutcliff stepped into the room, drawing all the attention on him.

"What's he doing here!"

"I sensed the intense love of my darling Sebby and I came right over!" Grell raced over to Sebastian, arms outstretched and lips puckered. "Sebastian!"

"It seems that something unsightly appeared." Sebastian mused as he brought the conductor's wand down on the death reaper's head. He had been fuming silently while everyone had been talking amongst themselves and had snapped once Grell appeared. Though the talking had subsided for a moment, it had started up again, all the people returning to their conversations.

"All of you…" Sebastian hissed, grinding Grell's face into the ground under his shoes, "All of you just shut up!" All noise was stopped as his voice cut through the room like a gunshot. "Honestly, you people are as bad as the last time. Now, we don't have a whole lot of time so just sit around and act like idiots. I'll be handing out the scripts so I expect you to choose to choose a character that best suits you." Quickly and without wasting anytime, Sebastian went around passing out the scripts to everyone. He came back around to Grell and dropped the heavy thing on his head.

"Ah! The intense pain of love…" Grell moaned through his bloody mouth.

"I suggest that you get up off the floor before you get blood on it." Sebastian told him ruthlessly.

"I want to be Juliet! I want to be Juliet!" Lizzy cried, waving her hand in the air. She grabbed Ciel's hand and waved it in the air. "Ciel wants to be Romeo! Ciel wants to be Romeo!"

"Why's the young miss sayin' everything twice?" Bard muttered.

"Maybe it's to add emphasis." Finny suggested as he flipped through the script. "Let's see...I might want to play Sampson or this Benvolio guy."

"I might want to be Tybalt or Gregory…" Bard muttered. "I'm not really interested in this whole thing."

"Paris sound like my kind of guy." Alois smiled. "I think you should play Mercutio, Claude. Hannah could be the nurse or one of the ladies."

"As you wish, your highness." Claude responded.

"I want to be a maiden in love!" Grell sighed blissfully, twirling around. "Juliet should be my role! Sebby should be Romeo and our love story would be complete. I can see it now! Leaning towards my lover for a passionate kiss of true love-" Sebastian brought the script down hard again on Grell's head, sending him to the floor.

"Those sick fantasies of yours will be the death of you." He said.

"Such…passionate…love…" Grell moaned.

"I don't know what part I should be!" Soma grumbled, tossing the script aside. "This is boring anyway!" He went back to eating his food.

"Hehehe, at the end, the bodies of the two lovers will be next to each other." A creepy laugh appeared and a hand appeared under the piano lid. With a creak, it lifted and the glowing eyes of the Undertaker appeared, his long sneaky smile spread across his face.

"Undertaker? What are you doing here? and why are you in the piano?" Ciel exclaimed. "Why must you say such disturbing things?"

"Hehe, but it's true. Besides, you'll need someone to dispose of the remains." He chuckled and ran his long black nails along the side of the piano.

"I have no idea what's going on here." Lau smiled, petting Ran Mao's head.

"Seaweed." She muttered.

"Huh?" he looked down curiously at her.

"I want to be seaweed." Ran Mao repeated.

"Not again. There is no seaweed in Shakespeare!" Ciel pointed out.

"Why not? If Ran Mao wants to be seaweed, I don't see why she shouldn't be. It worked out so well last time." Lau told the young noble.

"Since none of you can decide on parts, I'll choose them for you." Sebastian sighed, drumming the wand against his palm. "Finnian, you'll the narrator and Gregory."

"Aw…" Finny muttered.

"Bardroy, you'll be Sampson."

"I don't know who that is…" Bard said.

"Ciel you will be Juliet."

"What?" he jumped up, turning to his butler with an appalled look on his face.

"Why does Ciel have to be a girl?" Lizzy asked.

"Madame Elizabeth, don't you see that Ciel has the physique to be Juliet. And, haven't you wanted to see Ciel in a pretty dress?" A smile played on Sebastian's lips as Lizzy thought about this.

"Sebastian!"Ciel's face grew red with embarrassment.

"The young Phantomhive does look like a girl in a dress." Lau commented.

"But I wanted to be Juliet!" Grell whined, stomping his high-heeled shoe against the ground.

"I guess I do want to Ciel in a pretty frilly dress…" Lizzy sighed, giving in.

"Alright, moving on. Soma, you'll be the Prince."

"No thanks, I'm already one!" Soma grinned.

"I meant the character. There is a character called Prince." Sebastian told him.

"Oh! I get it!" he exclaimed in realization.

"Mey Rin, you'll be playing the nurse. Lizzy you'll be Montague."

"Again I have to play a man's part? Why can't I wear a frilly dress?" Lizzy pouted.

"Any further complaining and I'll put you on set duty off stage." Sebastian warned and she fell silent. Angi, you will be Benvolio. County Paris will be played by Alois. Lady Montague will be Grell. Claude…you'll be Tybalt."

"Why am I that guy?" Claude asked, a bit annoyed.

"Because you end up dying. Moving on…Hannah will be Lady Capulet. Capulet and Friar Lawrence will be played by Undertaker. Lau will be Mercutio. The triplets will play any other supporting characters throughout the play. If I need to make any more changes then I will." Sebastian finished with a small cough.

"But what about Romeo?" Lizzy piped.

"Yeah! We can't forget one of the most important characters." Mey Rin seconded.

"Let's see…Who could we pick to take on the role of Romeo?" Sebastian mused.

"Sebastian should be Romeo!" Lizzy suggested.

"Me?" He glanced up over his glasses curiously.

"Bad idea!" Ciel protested.

"Lovely! My darling Sebby would be an excellent Romeo! Even if I cannot be his lover waiting in arms, I can still admire him as my son! Then we might be able to do something even more forbidden-" Grell was cut off as Sebastian grabbed him by his shirt, opened the window, and threw him out into the bushes.

"I guess I have no choice." The butler muttered, wiping his hands together. "Now that we have our parts, let's all begin with vocal exercises." He cracked his fingers and the people in the room jumped. Memories of the last play they did sent spikes of fear through them. Despite his angelic smile, Sebastian's demon was lurking just under the surface, waiting to make them suffer if they stepped out of line.

"Y-Yes sir!" they all stammered.

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><p>A week passed of intense rehearsal and severe injuries. Those who slacked off suffered unmentionable punishments. Under Sebastian's careful watch and directory authority, the rookie actors were ready for the big stage.<p>

Opening night, everyone was rushing. Costumes were ready on the racks behind the stage, make up was donned, lighting tested, and scripts memorized. Behind the stage, the actors scurried around trying to fix any last minute flaws. Outside, carriages pulled up full of orphans and widows. They filed into the dark, luxurious theater, one of the most famous in London.

"Wow, that sure is a lot of people." Finny peered out from behind the thick red curtain at the people. "It's more people than last time."

"Are you nervous?" Bard asked, fixing the rapier at his side.

"Just a bit." Finny smiled, fixing his tie and hair.

"We'll just do what we did last time and roll with whatever happens!" Bard grinned. "Right, Mey Rin?"

"Of course!" she agreed.

"Alright everyone, places!" Sebastian called and everyone assembled. "Let's do this play the Phantomhive way."

"Alright!" they cheered.

"Hey, where's Ciel?" Lizzy asked, dressed in oversized men's clothes. Her eyes scanned the group for signs of the young boy.

"He's still sulking in his corner of shame last time I saw him." Lau smiled, twiddling with the lace on his costume.

"Finny, you're on." Sebastian told the blonde kid.

"You can count on me, Sebastian!" he saluted and raced onto the stage as the lights dimmed. A beam of light followed him as he cleared his throat. "'Two households, both alike in dignity. In fair Verona where we lay our scene, from ancient grudge break to new mutiny. Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes a pair of star-crossed crossed lovers take their life; whose misadventured piteous overthrows doth with their death bury their parent's strife. The fearful passage of their death-marked love, and the continuance of their patent's rage, which, but their children's end, naught could remove, is now the two hours' traffic of our stage; the which of you attend with patient ears attend, where here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.'"

"And so the show starts!" Sebastian mused as the first act began.

"Hey, aren't these the same people who did that one other play?" one of the orphans in the audience muttered to the kid beside him as the first actors walked onto stage. "Omelet or something?"

"It was Hamlet." The other one said back confidently.

"Whatever. So what's this one called?"

"Romeo and Juliet. It's a tragic romance story." The one boy was obviously a book worm who knew his stuff.

"Ew, romance is booring." The kid sighed, leaning back in his seat. He said it a bit too loudly because one of the widows behind him shushed him.

"It's not!" the boy assured him quietly.

"Whatever…" they turned their eyes back to the stage as a new cast of characters jumped into the limelight. Their eyes light up a bit as swords began to flash under the lights, the sound of metal clashing against metal filling the room.

"I don't recognize that one guy. Is he new?" the first boy asked, pointing to Soma who strutted onto stage in all his princely aura.

"Must be."

"Alright guys! Stop this fighting now because you are disturbing the peace. Hey! I'm talking to you!" Soma started, pointing at the fighting men.

From behind the curtain, Sebastian rubbed his temples. "That fool…he's saying the wrong things! He's not even going by the script…I knew it was a bad idea to give him a part…"

"Well at least he's not letting on that he doesn't know what he's doing." Mey Rin mused, watching intently as Soma said whatever came into his mind.

"Now, you ruffians Capulet and Montague! You'll be coming with me otherwise it'll be off with your heads! Haha! I am your prince now listen to me!" Soma grabbed the old Capulet and the old Montague by the back of their shirts and dragged them away with nefarious laughter.

"Wait! Who set this ancient quarrel new abroach? Speak, nephew, were you by when it began?" Lizzy cried out, struggling in Soma's grip. "Hey, Prince, you only need Capulet! Let me go!"

"Come, Capulet. You're with me! Montague!" Soma released Lizzy and hauled the Undertaker off the stage. The Undertaker only chuckled under his breath, waving at the audience as he left. The people in the seats chuckled silently, unaware that that had been the wrong lines.

Angi began to talk swiftly with lots of hand gestures as he relayed what transpired. Lizzy tried to follow along, but couldn't seem to pay attention.

"Was that supposed to happen?" the orphan boy said, stifling a giggle.

"I don't think so." The other one replied, pushing up his chipped glasses.

Soon, Sebastian came onto the stage, wearing a solemn look on his face. Immediately, the widows began to fawn over him, growing infatuated with the dark, mysterious Romeo.

"Good morrow, cousin." Agni bowed.

"Is the day so young?" Sebastian sighed wearily.

"Hey! It's that mean old man from last time!" one of the small orphan girls cried, pointing an accusing finger at Sebastian. He merely ignored her and continued with his lines.

_An old man? _He thought under the bright lights, slightly annoyed at the comment.

"How dare you call him an old man!" A woman cried, turning to the child. "How dare you insult such a dashing young man!"

"Shut up, lady! He tried to kill Hamlet the last time and he was scary!" the little girl snapped back.

"Such a rude little child!"

Sebastian and the other actors tried to concentrate and go on with the show despite the disturbance in the audience. Soon, Sebastian left the stage and Alois entered, wearing a fancy costume that showed nobility.

"Of honorable reckoning are you both. And pity 'tis you lived at odds so long. But now, my lord, what say you to my suit?" Alois spoke, using the correct lines and embellishing with a flick of his wrist as he and Undertaker strolled across the stage.

"But saying o'er what I have said before…" Undertaker said, his attention suddenly captured by something on the edge of the stage.

"Seaweed, seaweed." In a wiggling, leafy green costume, Ran Mao appeared out of what was the stage for the street, wiggling like a piece of seaweed in the ocean. She danced across the stage, twisting and twirling. Soon the orphans were laughing while the widows stifled confused giggles.

"Not again…" Sebastian sighed.

"I told you Ran Mao wanted to be seaweed." Lau mused, watching the girl flittered across the stage, distracting even the actors.

"It's the seaweed again!" the children cried in glee.

"Is this part of the performance?" one of the widows asked.

"At least the audience still likes the distraction." Sebastian muttered.

"Uh, lord Capulet," Alois was fumbling with his lines now, "could I have your…daughter's hand?"

"Sure, but just the hand." The Undertaker stroked Alois's pale skin, sniggering from behind his long costume sleeve. Alois stiffened nervously. "I'm holding a party tonight so why don't you come along. There'll be many wonderful people there to feast your eyes upon. Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die!" The old Capulet sang, spinning around until he disappeared off stage.

"Guess it's our turn again." Sebastian said and walked onto the stage with Agni.

"When will I get to get back on stage?" Soma grumbled.

"When it's your part." Mey Rin told him.

"When will it be my part?" Soma chewed on a handkerchief sulkily.

"Not for another few acts." She replied.

"I will not stand for this!" Soma rolled up his sleeves and walked out onto the stage.

"Wait, Prince Soma! It's not your turn!" the maid hissed.

"Alright, you commoners, I hear that there's a cool party going on!" Soma interrupted Sebastian and Agni's dialogue, putting his arms around them. Thompson, who was the servant, stood there mutely, not knowing what to do.

"Prince!" Agni's eyes lit up at the sight of his master.

"Yes, it is I, Prince!" he exclaimed.

"What are you doing here, Prince…?" Sebastian refused to abandon his character and improvised.

"I'm here to tell you fine boys that you should crash Capulet's party that he's holding tonight. There will be babes as far as the eye can see. You must go and live up the night while you're still young!" With a clap of his hands, confetti rained down and instruments began to play. Sebastian stared up at the confetti blankly, watching as it landed in his hair.

"Yes, Cousin Romeo, if Prince says we should go then we should!" Agni told him.

"I'll go along, no such sight to be shown, but rejoice in splendor of my own." Sebastian muttered as he and Agni took their leave.

"Yes, young Montague men, go and indulge yourselves tonight at the party!" Soma proclaimed haughtily, dancing through the confetti as he followed after them.

"Now, young master, it is your turn to take the stage." Sebastian said to Ciel as he hid behind the curtain.

"I refuse to make a mockery of myself!" Ciel hissed, fidgeting in the blue dress he wore. A long brown wig covered his black hair, the long bangs covering his right eye.

"I think you look adorable, Ciel!" Lizzy gushed.

"That's not helping!"

"No one will know it's you, young master." Sebastian assured him. "Now get out there before I drag you out there."

"Fine…" With a gulp, Ciel hesitantly stepped out onto the stage where Mey Rin and Hannah were talking. "How now? Who calls?" he asked in a high, reedy voice. Memories of when he had snuck into the Viscounts party a year ago came back, along with the humiliation of having to dress up as a girl and being touched by the perverted count. He swore that he'd never wear a dress again, but yet, here he was, back in a dress.

"Your mother." Mey Rin replied.

"Madam, I am here. What is your will?" _I'm going to kill Sebastian when this is all over! _

"Juliet is so pretty!" the orphan girls gushed, staring at Ciel admirably. "I want to be just like her!"

_That's not helping! I don't want to hear that I look pretty! It's bad enough having to wear this infernal dress, but to be praised in doing so is humiliating! _Ciel seethed as he said his Juliet lines until it was time to leave the stage.

"You did well, young master!" the three servants said as he got behind stage and collapsed.

"You act like you've done this before!" Lizzy said and Ciel froze.

"It was…uh Sebastian's good training I guess…" Ciel lied as he caught his breath.

They fell silent and turned to the stage where Lau, Sebastian, and Agni stood talking. The lights had been dimmed to show that it was the night of the party. Lau was in the middle of talking about Queen Mab to Romeo. Lau was so passionate with his part that it looked like he was burning with flames of passion. Suddenly he jumped onto a prop that looked like a rock, his hand outstretched to the audience as he spoke. Waves of water shoot up behind him, obscuring Sebastian and Agni from view.

"W-Waves? Where did those come from?" Lizzy exclaimed as the water sprayed the unsuspecting audience. The water drenched Lau, only making him sparkle under the lights.

"It must be an effect of his passion!" Soma suggested.

"It reminds me of those descriptions of the Japanese. When they get really into something, sometimes waves will crash behind them to show their passion. What do you think, Tanaka?" Bard turned to the elderly servant.

"Ho, ho, ho." Tanaka replied, sipping his tea.

"Peace, peace, Mercutio, peace! Thou talk is nothing." Sebastian placed a steadying hand on the exuberant Lau, bringing him to a halt.

"Yes, I'm glad you see it then!" Lau smiled, taking Sebastian by surprise.

_Do none of these people know their lines? _He thought, letting Lau go.

"Now, on to the party!" Out of nowhere, a white tiger appeared and Lau jumped on to it. Ran Mao appeared as well, doing her seaweed dance. Again this struck merriment in the audience.

* * *

><p>Soon the play progressed through the acts, scene after scene of randomness forged by the collection of unlikely actors. There was much laughter even at the times where it would not likely be. It seemed that no one remembered what to do so they just went with it. Romeo and Juliet's kiss scene had be disrupted by Grell, playing the enraged mother, as he crashed down from the ceiling, waving a chainsaw about wildly. The audience loved it, demanding more.<p>

Now it was the balcony scene, the scene that most everyone had been waiting for. Ciel sat poised on the balcony, Sebastian hiding in the bushes below.

"O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?" Ciel called in his falsetto voice. "Deny thy father and refuse thy name; or, if thout wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet."

"I can't stand for this!" Grell hissed, gripping his chainsaw tightly in his hand as he watched the scene unfolding. "Just look at the way he's staring at her! those eyes, so full of passion, are meant only for me!"

"You do know that Master Ciel is only pretending to be a girl, right?" Bard asked, looking at the fearsome blade of the death reaper's scythe with worry.

"I don't care! Sebby, my love! Your gaze belongs only on me!" Grell cried, revving his power tool. "I will not allow for this unsightly thing!"

"You can't go out there! This is the most important scene between Romeo and Juliet!" Mey Rin struggled to hold Grell back.

"How can you come in between our love?" the red death reaper pointed his weapon at the maid and she withdrew.

"I-I'm s-sorry!" the frightened girl hid behind Bard and Finny, too scared to say anything else.

"Romeo, O Romeo! Why do you flock to that ugly flower when your forbidden love is right here? Mother will not allow for you to be seduced by that Capulet girl!" With a cry, Grell leaped onto the stage, the chainsaw glinting under the lights. His flowing dress ruffled as he jumped into the air. "Now come, my darling Romeo, into your mother's arms!"

"I will not allow something so unsightly! By the hand of god I will cleanse thee!" Agni unraveled his right hand. He shot towards Grell, his hands glowing. "It is a sin for a mother to fall in love with her son and commit such an act!" With an unearthly cry, Agni struck Grell in the stomach with his hand, causing the reaper to double over.

"Why…must our love be denied…?" he gasped and fell to the floor heavily, landing in a river that just happened to be flowing through the stage.

"It seems that by a series of unfortunate circumstances, Lady Montague was killed protecting her son." Finny narrated at Grell was washed away.

"Seaweed." Ran Mao poked her head up out of the river and Grell disappeared.

"It's the seaweed!" the kids cried happily.

"Why…must I die…without love…?" Those were the last words of Grell as he went under. The curtain fell and the next acts commenced.

Sword fights and deaths commenced through the next several scenes. It finally came time for Romeo and Juliet's end. The curtain lifted once again to find Romeo perched over Juliet's still body. His face was a mask of shock and anguish and he laid eyes on his dead beloved. She was in a fake death, but her lover did not know.

"…O, here will I set up my everlasting rest and shake the yoke of inauspicious stars from this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last! Arms, take your last embrace! And, lips, O you the doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss a dateless bargain to engrossing death! Come, bitter conduct; come, unsavory guide! Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on the dashing rocks thy seasick weary bark! Here's to my love!" Sebastian took a vile that was lying beside Ciel and drank its contents. "O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die." With on finally breath, Sebastian fell limp beside Ciel, moving no more.

The women in the audience wiped their teary eyes, saddened by Sebastian's death. It was so dramatic that they almost believed it to be real. Grell looked like he was about to cry too as he lay again the wall, still immobilized from Agni's blow. The orphans seemed to be cheering, as if a monster had been slain.

Ciel awoke and looked around. His eye widened as he beheld Sebastian's dead body. "Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end. O churl! Drunk all and left no friendly drop to help me after? I will kiss thy lips. Haply some poison yet doth hang on them to make me die with a restorative." Ciel leaned close to Sebastian's face, giving the illusion that he was kissing him. He stopped inches from his butler's face. Lizzy and Grell were beet red as they watched from backstage.

Ciel looked up, glancing around. "Yea, noise? Then I'll be brief. O happy dagger!" He reached out and unsheathed the dagger at Sebastian's side. "This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me die." Ciel pointed the tip of the dagger at his chest, his eye closing as he arched himself back.

"No, Juliet! Don't die!" the children begged, tears in their eyes.

Ciel drove the dagger into his chest and fell on top of Sebastian, dead.

"Maybe this story was too much for children…" Finny muttered, wiping tears out of his eyes as the audience burst into tears.

"Still…love…it's so beautiful and sad…" Mey Rin sobbed. "Why must they die!" they were both sobbing and held each other like babies, crying torrents of tears.

Soma stepped onto the stage, a hankercheif to his eyes. He struggled to keep his voice strong through the tears. "A glooming peace…this morning with it brings…The sun for sorrow will not show his head. Go hence…to have more talk if these sad things; Some shall be…pardoned…and some punished; for never was a story…of such woe…than this of Juliet…and her Romeo!" As soon as he stopped talking, Soma broke down in sobs, curling up on the ground.

"Be strong, Prince!" Agni said.

"Young master…" Sebastian muttered quietly, opening his eyes.

"What is it, Sebastian?" Ciel whispered back as the curtains remained up, letting the audience soak in the death of the lovers.

"It seems that you have been eating too many sweets for you weigh quite a bit. You must have gained a bit of weight; how very un-lady like." Sebastian smiled faintly as Ciel glared at him. "You are quite heavy and caused me a bit of pain when you fell on me."

"Sebastian!" the young master seethed as the curtain closed with thunderous applause.

* * *

><p><strong>...And that's what i came up with. Even after reading this i didn't know what to say. Obviously it had to be a shortened version because it would be absolute hell to make a person read all of Romeo and Juliet in a parody. If you have a problem with that then why did you ever bother reading this thing?<strong>


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